A good neighbour ... ?

Deadlock

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Submitted for your approval ....

Two houses next door to each other are lived in by an elderly couple and a slightly older widow, who has health issues. The widow has multiple family members within a short drive. The couple have family overseas. Amongst other services rendered, the couple are the emergency medical contacts for their neighbour, and are contacted 24/7 by a telephone service should the unfortunate have an incident such as a fall. Family members hear subsequently, sometimes days later, if at all.

Is this correct conduct P.ie?

What is a good neighbour anymore? Do good fences not make good neighbours in modern Ireland? Is it appropriate that family members living close are not the first point of contact under the circumstances?

What are your opinions? What boundaries are acceptable?
 
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McSlaggart

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Submitted for your approval ....

Two houses next door to each other are lived in by an elderly couple and a slightly older widow, who has health issues. The widow has multiple family members within a short drive. The couple have family overseas. Amongst other services rendered, the couple are the emergency medical contacts for their neighbour, and are contacted 24/7 by a telephone service should the unfortunate have an incident such as a fall. Family members hear subsequently, sometimes days later, if at all.

Is this correct conduct P.ie?

What is a good neighbour anynore? Do good fences not make good neighbours in modern Ireland? Is it appropriate that family members living close are not the first point of contact under the circumstances?

What are your opinions? What boundaries are acceptable?
It is up to the Neighbours.
 

midlander12

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Submitted for your approval ....

Two houses next door to each other are lived in by an elderly couple and a slightly older widow, who has health issues. The widow has multiple family members within a short drive. The couple have family overseas. Amongst other services rendered, the couple are the emergency medical contacts for their neighbour, and are contacted 24/7 by a telephone service should the unfortunate have an incident such as a fall. Family members hear subsequently, sometimes days later, if at all.

Is this correct conduct P.ie?

What is a good neighbour anynore? Do good fences not make good neighbours in modern Ireland? Is it appropriate that family members living close are not the first point of contact under the circumstances?

What are your opinions? What boundaries are acceptable?
I'm not fully sure what the context of your post is but obviously it is up to the elderly widow who her medical contacts are. Presumably the couple next door have agreed to be the emergency contacts. Is there some reason why it is not the family members who are a short drive away? Does she not get on with them?

Certainly it would be the norm for next-of-kin to be the emergency contacts, unless they live a long distance away.
 

Deadlock

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I'm not fully sure what the context of your post is but obviously it is up to the elderly widow who her medical contacts are. Presumably the couple next door have agreed to be the emergency contacts. Is there some reason why it is not the family members who are a short drive away? Does she not get on with them?

Certainly it would be the norm for next-of-kin to be the emergency contacts, unless they live a long distance away.
As I understand the situation, the widow has visits several times a week from family members (both children and grand-children) living locally, and has sons- and daughters-in-law working close by too.
 

midlander12

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As I understand the situation, the widow has visits several times a week from family members (both children and grand-children) living locally, and has sons- and daughters-in-law working close by too.
Well then, the situation as you describe it makes no sense. But who can fathom the reasons behind people's decisions?
 

McSlaggart

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It doesn't seem excessive to you?
Of course its excessive to be on call 24/7 but its up to the people who are undertaking the support to set boundaries. This is not a simple question and one that will increasingly come to the fore with our ageing population.
 

Fullforward

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[video=youtube;8YOu5wC9wXU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YOu5wC9wXU[/video]
 

firefly123

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As I understand the situation, the widow has visits several times a week from family members (both children and grand-children) living locally, and has sons- and daughters-in-law working close by too.
A lot of time People don't want to be a burden on their families so they don't want to call them. It might be the case here.
We regularly get call outs to put folk back into bed when they fall out. It's not such a big deal when they are only out a little while but some don't have the panic button (which I'd heartily recommend to anyone) and they are there for hours before any help arrives. It's not good on an old person to be stuck like that. Having good neighbours is a blessing.
 

Deadlock

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A lot of time People don't want to be a burden on their families so they don't want to call them. It might be the case here.
We regularly get call outs to put folk back into bed when they fall out. It's not such a big deal when they are only out a little while but some don't have the panic button (which I'd heartily recommend to anyone) and they are there for hours before any help arrives. It's not good on an old person to be stuck like that. Having good neighbours is a blessing.
I think I'd certainly agree if the couple in question were a good deal younger than they are. But thats not the case - the widow is in her mid-eighties and the couple their late seventies. It seems to me - on balance - inordinately selfish of the family members.
 
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Don't think you have been provided with all the info.

I am aware of someone who has the oncall elderly where house is alarmed plus medical alarm.

Company has 5 numbers of different people to send texts to in the event anything that is wrong................. on one occasion it was Carbon Monoxide detector picking up something at 3am that had 5 people woken up by messages.

As 4 of these live within minute or two of person concerned then it makes sense......... as it was there was a boiler problem so system worked.

I don't believe there is anything stopping the children of the widow in getting added in to the emergency calls.

Widow may be perfectly happy with arrangement of neighbours keeping an eye on her.
Also she may have the view that she doesn't want her kids and stuff to be bothered with calls and texts etc as she may have the view they may put her into a care home where as she values her independence.

The cynical bit in your post is that the couple may have an ulterior motive in doing so.

The reality is that they may have been neighbours for a long long time where kids raised together and are happy to look after her without a problem because it is what neighbours and friends do. The fact they have no close family around as well means it is not an issue.

The couple look for nothing in return but the family get it into their head that they are somehow scheming to do them out of their inheritance and it is likely to be mouthed by one person who is a material minded money grabbing snob................likely female.
 

Deadlock

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Don't think you have been provided with all the info.

I am aware of someone who has the oncall elderly where house is alarmed plus medical alarm.

Company has 5 numbers of different people to send texts to in the event anything that is wrong................. on one occasion it was Carbon Monoxide detector picking up something at 3am that had 5 people woken up by messages.

As 4 of these live within minute or two of person concerned then it makes sense......... as it was there was a boiler problem so system worked.

I don't believe there is anything stopping the children of the widow in getting added in to the emergency calls.

Widow may be perfectly happy with arrangement of neighbours keeping an eye on her.
Also she may have the view that she doesn't want her kids and stuff to be bothered with calls and texts etc as she may have the view they may put her into a care home where as she values her independence.

The cynical bit in your post is that the couple may have an ulterior motive in doing so.

The reality is that they may have been neighbours for a long long time where kids raised together and are happy to look after her without a problem because it is what neighbours and friends do. The fact they have no close family around as well means it is not an issue.

The couple look for nothing in return but the family get it into their head that they are somehow scheming to do them out of their inheritance and it is likely to be mouthed by one person who is a material minded money grabbing snob................likely female.
Thanks for some points I hadn't contemplated.

Actually the killer for me is that the widow's family appear perfectly happy that their mother is so-offloaded.
 

corporal punishment

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We care for my wifes elderly mother. Her other daughter lives 12 miles away and couldn't give a fk. She only calls when she wants money which is never now because she's already bled the poor woman dry. If we weren't there she'd be very vulnerable. Sometimes family members can be assh0les and neighbours are you've got.
 

igCorcaigh

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The neighbours are closer, so it makes sense to me.
This is, after all, a personal decision.

I'm just glad there is support from anywhere.
 

igCorcaigh

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I think I'd certainly agree if the couple in question were a good deal younger than they are. But thats not the case - the widow is in her mid-eighties and the couple their late seventies. It seems to me - on balance - inordinately selfish of the family members.
You can choose your friends.
 

Watcher2

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Neighbours should look after each other. Not live in each other's pockets, but look out for them. If they have no problem with 24/7 contact then good on them. Time could be of the essence so neighbours may trump family in that regard.
 

livingstone

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Neighbours are closer. If I had a fall, I'd rather the person coming to my assistance was coming from next door than having to drive over (even if they're pretty local - next door will always be faster).

Secondly, age might be a factor. If her family are in middle age with families of their own, the chances of them being out and about when she needs help are higher.

As others have said, it's probably unlikely you know the full story.
 

ON THE ONE ROAD

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sounds like a case of the blind leading the blind but then when the perfect plan for what ever reason is not an option then its on to the next best thing, what ever that is.
 
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Actually the killer for me is that the widow's family appear perfectly happy that their mother is so-offloaded.
In Material Ireland it seems many people see aged relatives as a burden forgetting the example they showing to their kids, kids will just follow what they saw parents doing a generation before.........

Saw friends over holidays where wife moved back with kids to her home country after her dad died to look after her aged mother. Husband aware that probably sacrificing marraige as a result and they into 3rd year.
Asked one of the kids what would happen when his parents got elderly, would he farm them out to a care home or look after them.
He looked surprised at question and just said, "Of course I would look after them wherever they live, maybe move to where I am living or I move to them".
 


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