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Political Rhymes (or Crimes)


Dorcha

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Joined
Sep 16, 2010
Messages
3,928
I thought with all the literary talent there is on this site that posters might like a thread that caters for political satire (or even humorous) verse. Single verse, Limericks or even ballads, whatever does the job you want. The following came about after gaining first hand experience of the shambles PH has made of the Household tax. I'd also been listening to the song, "Three Drunken Maidens", so I sort of wrote it to that tune.

Phill Hogan’s Plan

Florid-faced Phill Hogan,
So Impulsive and so Brash,
Decided that he knew a Way
To get the Gov more Cash.

“A Tax on every Household,
I’ll put!” he said with Glee.
The People said, “You Dunderhead
With this we Don’t Agree.”

“When You’re the one who makes the Rules.
The People you can Taunt,”
Said Florid-Faced Phill Hogan,
“I can do What I Want!”

“Why should We pay this Tax,
Which is not Fair nor Just?”
Said Florid-Faced Phill Hogan,
“Because I say you MUST!”

“But how can Poor Folk pay it?
It is not Just nor Fair.”
Said Florid-Faced Phill Hogan,
“What makes you think I Care?”

So Up There, high upon the Clouds,
Safe in his Ivory Tower,
Sits Florid-Faced Phill Hogan,
The Man who has The POWER.

Then I thought of what defines Eamon Gilmore in a lot of people's minds -

Who's Way?


“It’s Labour’s Way, not Frankfurt’s Way.”
That’s what E. Gilmore said.
But now it is seems it’s Neither Way –
It’s Eamon’s Way instead.

And I wrote this one a long time ago -

The Politician’s Creed

Never explain, or use clear words, talk only to confuse.
Agree to do things that you can’t, and seem not to refuse.

Always ride on bandwagons, they’ll take you to the top.
Keep from the Cliff Of Promises, avoid that deadly drop.

Always use a hundred words where one word would have done,
Side with the rich, forget the rest, look after Number One.
 

PlinkaPlonka

Active member
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
139
There was an old teacher from Limerick,
Who is right in the thick of it,
Says he, "tis a bit wobbly, if not a bit wibbly",
But at least his remit is not the Cypriot.
 

Lando Calrissian

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Joined
Feb 22, 2013
Messages
139
There was an old jew at the top,
Who walked up and talked to a cop,
Said the mike to the kike,
No offence , I dont like,
What you did to our christ on the cross..

(sorry , i know its juvenile and tragic but i just love the metre(meter?) of it)
Its kind of topical too,in a poetic kinda way , you know when you grope for luna ?...
 

PlinkaPlonka

Active member
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
139
There was an old jew at the top,
Who walked up and talked to a cop,
Said the mike to the kike,
No offence , I dont like,
What you did to our christ on the cross..

(sorry , i know its juvenile and tragic but i just love the metre(meter?) of it)
Its kind of topical too,in a poetic kinda way , you know when you grope for luna ?...
Oh chr!st:roll:
 

PlinkaPlonka

Active member
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
139
There was an obfuscator from Mayo,
Who managed very well to lay low,
When confronted by a guard,
His face turned the colour of a tomato.

(not as in tune...I know)
 

PlinkaPlonka

Active member
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
139
There was a Minister from Mainistir na Croise,
Who had a bad habit of cursin'
When confronted by the Sindo,
He tended to curse til our ears were black n' blue,
But that never stopped him from blowin' and bruisin'.

(disclaimer: factually inaccurate, technically improved Limerick, mehopes)
 

Lando Calrissian

Active member
Joined
Feb 22, 2013
Messages
139
There once was a site they called P.ie,
Where many a rogue would stop by,
To spill sh*t from his head,
Before he went to bed,
And then in the morning he'd cry.
 

PlinkaPlonka

Active member
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
139
There was a pp called Labour
Jim was an inspirer long ago,
When Power came a-beckoning
What's the use in reckoning
That its core, its heart wouldn't go....
 

Dorcha

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Joined
Sep 16, 2010
Messages
3,928
Election time will bring them out, like decay brings out flies,
But all their smarm cannot disguise the deceit in their eyes.
With polished smiles and polished shoes and badges on their coats,
They pose as saints in business suits - the TDs seeking votes.

They’re all so kind and thoughtful when they knock upon your door,
They listen to your complaints and they “couldn’t agree more”.
But though they may hear daily a thousand torrid tales,
Their consciences are manicured to match their finger nails.

They jump on any bandwagon that may be popular:
Right or wrong don’t matter if the ride will take them far,
For they don’t care about the wrong as long as they’re all right.
Soft words they freely give away - their hearts are locked up tight.

They always like to pretend that they work so hard and long,
That they - poor things! - are underpaid and treated very wrong.
But it isn’t they who can’t find jobs, and despair on the dole,
Or break their backs in factories that stunt the very soul.

They claim it’s for an ideal, they shout it from their tower,
But shallow souls seek shallow goals - it’s really for the power.
Their ego is their country. You’d do well to take note
For you they do not give a damn - they only want your vote.
 

Dorcha

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Joined
Sep 16, 2010
Messages
3,928
Limericks are useful for political satire. Here's one for Pat Rabbit:

There was a TD named Pat Rabbite,
For whom lying became quite a habit.
When asked, “Is that true?”
He said “That’s what you do,
When you’re trying to get elected; to nab it.”
 

Dorcha

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Sep 16, 2010
Messages
3,928
The verses in the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam (as translated/adapted by Edward Fitzgerald)provide scope for parody. I call this one "The Musings of an Irish Politican"

Alas the money I have loved so long
Have done my credit in the world much wrong,
Have sunk my snout down deep into the trough,
And sold Ireland to the EU for a song.
 
F

FunkyMonkey

"We'll sing a song, a speculator's song,
With cheering rousing chorus,
As round our blazing fires we throng,
The starry heavens o'er us;
Impatient for the coming bout
of financial strife and state bailout,
Here in the silence of the night,
We'll chant a speculator's song.

Speculators are we , whose knives were plunged in Ireland;
Some have come from a land beyond the wave.
Sworn to get off scot-free, Once more our ancient sire land
Shall shelter the despot and the slave.
Tonight we man the gap of danger
In our cause, come woe or weal
amid Anglo's roar and peasants steel,
We'll chant a speculators song."
 

Dougal

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Sep 7, 2011
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2,694
There was a TD from Tipperary
Whose influence in the Dáil was quite scary
But he's been lying through his teeth
While sitting in that seat
And the media are being too wary
 

Dorcha

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Joined
Sep 16, 2010
Messages
3,928
Political Epitaphs: Eamon Gilmore

Here lies Eamon Gilmore, the Hyperbole Man,
His ideals gathering dust upon the shelf.
He promised to look after everybody,
But he only looked after himself.
 

Dorcha

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Joined
Sep 16, 2010
Messages
3,928
Bearded Doc O’Reilly

Bearded Doc O’Reilly has got a taste of power;
In Bearded Doc O’Reilly it grows stronger by the hour.
“Fair play,” he says “is just a joke –
Time to pull another little stroke.”
Oh, **** O’ the Walk is Doc O’Reilly.

He struts about North Dublin like a King within his gate;
He looks after his constituency and forgets about the state.
“North Dublin votes for me,” he said,
“I give them all for which they paid.”
Oh, parochial as they come is Doc O’Reilly.

His constituency for Primary Care just didn’t make the list,
So Bearded Doc O’Reilly he gave the list a twist.
“They scratch my back and I’ll scratch theirs,
As for the country, feck, who cares?
“That’s just the way it is,” said Doc O’Reilly.

Sick people lie on trollies for many hours and days,
Yet Bearded Doc O’Reilly claims there are no delays.
“Everything I say is fact,
Who says different is just cracked,
For I am the Main Man,” says Doc O’Reilly.

Bearded Doc O’Reilly said he’d close the HSE,
But it continues on, as everyone can see,
And people still die left and right.
“If they just do it out of sight,
Then that’s all right with me,” says Doc O’Reilly.

Bearded Doc O’Reilly will never take advice
Says Bearded Doc O’Reilly, “Not at any price.”
And when the country’s health is wrecked
And people’s lives are totally fecked,
“I’ll draw my fat pension,” says Doc O’Reilly.
 
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Dougal

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Joined
Sep 7, 2011
Messages
2,694
There once was a Minister for Justice

Who heard a little whisper and discussed it

On National TV he revealed all to thee

And he still expects us to trust him
 
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