Respecting non-binary pronouns - how to be a better friend

Concerned Irishman

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So the Guardian have an article out today by Poppy Noor - her friend (along with Sam Smith and Janelle Monáe and thousands more people by the day) recently came out as non-binary gendered and she decided to write about what that means and the small accommodations the rest of us can use to make NB and trans folk feel more safe and accepted.

The reality is that small gestures can mean a lot to people who are born with less privileges in our society, and small efforts (even something as small as an apology and an effort to get it right in future when one gets somebodies pronouns wrong) can go a long way.

In my opinion politeness costs us literally nothing but an examination of our own prejudices and preconceived notions, and such an examination is always worth undertaking.

If a friend came out as NB, would you respect their decision by making an effort with their chosen pronouns?
 


Sync

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Yeah sure. I wouldn’t care. Who cares about this stuff if it doesn’t affect you directly? It’s weird that anyone other than the person involved would. Make a best effort in the mutual understanding the mistakes will be made.
 

ruman

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So the Guardian have an article out today by Poppy Noor - her friend (along with Sam Smith and Janelle Monáe and thousands more people by the day) recently came out as non-binary gendered and she decided to write about what that means and the small accommodations the rest of us can use to make NB and trans folk feel more safe and accepted.

The reality is that small gestures can mean a lot to people who are born with less privileges in our society, and small efforts (even something as small as an apology and an effort to get it right in future when one gets somebodies pronouns wrong) can go a long way.

In my opinion politeness costs us literally nothing but an examination of our own prejudices and preconceived notions, and such an examination is always worth undertaking.

If a friend came out as NB, would you respect their decision by making an effort with their chosen pronouns?
I treat everyone the same. I judge people purely on their own merits and talents. Applying categories to people based on race gender or any other criteria is the height of stupidity in the US and even worse here. This American identity politics nonsense is divisive, simplistic and utterly brain dead.

Take your hatred and divisive nonsense back to the US please.
 

A Voice

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So the Guardian have an article out today by Poppy Noor - her friend (along with Sam Smith and Janelle Monáe and thousands more people by the day) recently came out as non-binary gendered and she decided to write about what that means and the small accommodations the rest of us can use to make NB and trans folk feel more safe and accepted.

The reality is that small gestures can mean a lot to people who are born with less privileges in our society, and small efforts (even something as small as an apology and an effort to get it right in future when one gets somebodies pronouns wrong) can go a long way.

In my opinion politeness costs us literally nothing but an examination of our own prejudices and preconceived notions, and such an examination is always worth undertaking.

If a friend came out as NB, would you respect their decision by making an effort with their chosen pronouns?
Yeah, the absolute best way to carry on when you're unsafe and not accepted and underprivileged is to go around shoving your bespoke pronouns in people's faces and expecting contrition, better behaviour, and self-examination from them. The prefect cry-bully. Get off the stage!
 

artfoley56

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benroe

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So the Guardian have an article out today by Poppy Noor - her friend (along with Sam Smith and Janelle Monáe and thousands more people by the day) recently came out as non-binary gendered and she decided to write about what that means and the small accommodations the rest of us can use to make NB and trans folk feel more safe and accepted.

The reality is that small gestures can mean a lot to people who are born with less privileges in our society, and small efforts (even something as small as an apology and an effort to get it right in future when one gets somebodies pronouns wrong) can go a long way.

In my opinion politeness costs us literally nothing but an examination of our own prejudices and preconceived notions, and such an examination is always worth undertaking.

If a friend came out as NB, would you respect their decision by making an effort with their chosen pronouns?
I don't have any friends stuck so far up their own arses that they would expect us to announce their new gender identity in every interaction.
 

fat finger

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Politeness is all about respecting boundaries. People who try to inflict their bent pronouns on the rest of us are not respecting our boundaries and must not be encouraged. They must firmly but politely be told to respect our boundaries. Gender bending has long been a tactic deployed by singers to attract attention and sell reccords, their contribution to this issue is therefore irrelevant to normal life and should not be used to help leverage pronoun abuse into daily discourse.
 

Golah veNekhar

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Lads I am pretty sure this a troll OP.
 

The OD

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Yeah sure. I wouldn’t care. Who cares about this stuff if it doesn’t affect you directly? It’s weird that anyone other than the person involved would. Make a best effort in the mutual understanding the mistakes will be made.
This.

I really cannot understand why people get so wound up over this. What is it costing someone to just say 'yeah, why not' and go along with it?

I couldn't care less what someone identifies as, I only care about what they do, not what they are.

The funny thing is that those who do get wound up about this have a tendency to use neo nonsense words like 'snowflake' to mock those who get upset while getting even more upset because they don't/won't just respect someones decision.

Life is short, don't spend it crying about something that is, to you at least, irrelevant.
 

The OD

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Lads I am pretty sure this a troll OP.
How many accounts are you on now?

I have disagreed with CI on many things, but he/she/they have been consistent in their views, so not sure why you are trying to undermine their OP by casting aspersions on their authenticity?

Live and let live.
 
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rainmaker

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I really cannot understand why people get so wound up over this. What is it costing someone to just say 'yeah, why not' and go along with it?
Indeed. Other peoples chosen identities seems to really upset some people.
 

rainmaker

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I really cannot understand why people get so wound up over this. What is it costing someone to just say 'yeah, why not' and go along with it?
Indeed. Other peoples chosen identities seems to really upset some people.
 

Half Nelson

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This.

I really cannot understand why people get so wound up over this. What is it costing someone to just say 'yeah, why not' and go along with it?

I couldn't care less what someone identifies as, I only care about what they do, not what they are.

The funny thing is that those who do get wound up about this have a tendency to use neo nonsense words like 'snowflake' to mock those who get upset while getting even more upset because they don't/won't just respect someones decision.

Life is short, don't spend it crying about something that is, to you at least, irrelevant.
The agenda behind this is far from harmless. It's about the destruction of the person, the destruction of the Family, the destruction of Society, and, ultimately, the end of human rights.
"Might is Right" is on its way.
 

Concerned Irishman

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All because people ask that you make a tiny adjustment that takes minimal effort in terms of how they would like to be addressed? Really?
 

crossman

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If a friend came out as NB, would you respect their decision by making an effort with their chosen pronouns?
I would try but likely get so confused by all this new phraseology that I would end up insulting them in some way I was unaware of.
 

Half Nelson

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All because people ask that you make a tiny adjustment that takes minimal effort in terms of how they would like to be addressed? Really?
Subtle, innit?
If you don't agree with their alleged non-binary status, but nevertheless use their term, are you a liar or are you patronising them?
 

Hillmanhunter1

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So the Guardian have an article out today by Poppy Noor - her friend (along with Sam Smith and Janelle Monáe and thousands more people by the day) recently came out as non-binary gendered and she decided to write about what that means and the small accommodations the rest of us can use to make NB and trans folk feel more safe and accepted.

The reality is that small gestures can mean a lot to people who are born with less privileges in our society, and small efforts (even something as small as an apology and an effort to get it right in future when one gets somebodies pronouns wrong) can go a long way.

In my opinion politeness costs us literally nothing but an examination of our own prejudices and preconceived notions, and such an examination is always worth undertaking.

If a friend came out as NB, would you respect their decision by making an effort with their chosen pronouns?
I would of course respect their decision, but I will never use they/them to refer to a single person.

Whether its under the sheets or in your own head or wherever, you can do or be whatever you like, and whatever feels right to you, as far as I'm concerned (illegality excepted). If you want to transition from male to female or vice versa I'll happily change the personal pronoun as appropriate, but he/she are the only third-person singular personal pronouns available.

The desired to be referred to as they/them has nothing to do with making people feel safe and accepted. I don't feel safe and accepted when people use male pronouns for me. It has much more to do with a desire to advertise their non-binary status, and requiring/provoking a response. A bit like those dreary vegans who insist on mentioning their eating disorder at every opportunity.

I would not refer to a person with dissociative identity disorder as "they" and I will not refer to a non-binary gender person as "they".
 


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