Self indulgence and being confronted by the hind legs of one's own asal.

Lumpy Talbot

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I was an audience member when this happened to a "speaker" one time, he hadn't a clue, so two of us fixed it for him, then we discovered that he hadn't a clue about the subject either, we asked a few questions and he eventually had to admit that Fás had hired him to just show the PowerPoint slides, which he hadn't put together either, it was a mess, but he didn't care he got paid for his troubles. One day of my life wasted, needless to say, I didn't go for the second day.
They gave the bugger two DAYS?
 


Lumpy Talbot

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By the beard of Mrs Allah you could organise the invasion of another country in two days.
 

Lumpy Talbot

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I know a lady who spends much budgetary money going to conferences just because she wants to network.

I think she's a bit lonely and is expecting to meet Mr Right over the canapes.
 

RodShaft

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I was an audience member when this happened to a "speaker" one time, he hadn't a clue, so two of us fixed it for him, then we discovered that he hadn't a clue about the subject either, we asked a few questions and he eventually had to admit that Fás had hired him to just show the PowerPoint slides, which he hadn't put together either, it was a mess, but he didn't care he got paid for his troubles. One day of my life wasted, needless to say, I didn't go for the second day.
There was a second day?:shock2:
 

Rural

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There was a second day?:shock2:

Yes, I'd say he was delighted that myself and my companion didn't travel for the 2nd day, we were a tad disruptive when there was no-one to answer our (very pertinent) questions. There were some there who didn't give a whit, they were getting 2 overnights in a plush Kilkenny hotel, with all the trimmings. And this was post 2008 while the shyte was hitting off fans all over the gaff.
 

Rural

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I know a lady who spends much budgetary money going to conferences just because she wants to network.

I think she's a bit lonely and is expecting to meet Mr Right over the canapes.
Watching someone eat a scone with cream and jam is not conducive to lurve!
 

RodShaft

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Watching someone eat a scone with cream and jam is not conducive to lurve!
A banana and cream on the other hand...
 

Lumpy Talbot

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Some financial organisations like banks and corporate lawyers have people who they didn't know what to do with or are coming up to retirement and can't be asked and are too expensive to pay off so they just send them to conferences.

I knew three old boys who were referred to as the 'three wise men' who used to all travel to conferences together and sit together all the time and they had mastered the art of sleeping through a presentation with their eyes open. Never asked a question and were always in the bar afterwards being affable enough.

They were paid by a well known multinational. Best job I ever heard of though was the old fellow who was a member of the House of Lords and he was paid to sit in Harrys Bar in Venice and be a hail fellow well met sort of character to anyone the corporation wanted to schmooze. Had a free tab at the bar for buying drinks. At sixteen euros for a Peach Belllini that wasn't bad.
 

Who is John Galt?

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Done it a few times, still hate it and still nervous whenever I have to do it. I console myself with the fact that usually no-one is listening that intently, that they're probably daydreaming or thinking about their dinner.
It gets easier.
My first experience of public speaking was as best man at a friend's wedding in Devon almost 50 years ago.
I still cringe at the memory of that performance!
One of the tricks I use is to keep in mind that very few people in an audience enjoy watching a speaker crashing and burning.
Almost 100% want you to do well and deliver an entertaining, or amusing, or informative speech.
Getting in an appropriate or relevant joke or anecdote at the beginning smooths the path immeasurable.
Brevity, succinctness and value per minute also help.
 

Gurdiev77

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Been avoiding it actively for years. Never liked the idea of it. Getting up and speaking to a group of people who were allowed to ask questions at the end.

I finally had to bite the public speaking bullet today in front of a group of knowledgeable people in the city and I seem to have got away with it.

Paralysed with nervousness a half hour beforehand. Two espressos and steeling myself to talk to people as they arrived and then the fateful moment after being introduced as some kind of expert and then having to prove it. I understand it is a common fear- standing up and presenting your thoughts and impressions before a group of well informed peers. I'd no way out of it.

I started to enjoy it half way through and started wandering out among the audience and using gesticulations. My vice principal of my school years back and his words ringing in my ears on the last day of school; 'You'll die swinging you will. Mark my words'.

I wonder have I been avoiding it because I knew deep down if I started I'd end up in trouble somehow. Now I have to do a similar thing in London in November in front of 120 well-informed people.

If that goes well I may organise a beer-kellar putsch and I'll brexit everything in sight. Feckin' hell I've a horrible feeling 'll end up with either an MBE or a blindfold on the scaffold.

Public speaking. Your thoughts. I'm wiped out psychologically after doing it.

you're eventually going to find yourself responding to a question from the audience, winging it with the answer, and finding it sound bited.

Much of the nutty statements that get headlined from politicians and celebrities are a result of answering random questions from the audience.
 

Lumpy Talbot

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Probably made easier on this occasion by being less than 50 in the audience and seated around round tables so I could move about and not be anchored to a screen and a laptop.

I've to do it again in November in front of a bigger audience in serried ranks in a lecture theatre.

Mind you now that I've broken my duck my next challenge is to find a way of enjoying it. Not worried about the subject or questions as I know the stuff but it is the rows of faces that is the bit that puts me off it generally.
 

Expose the lot of them

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I think it is the time spent on arranging powerpoint presentations that annoy me. You could have half an office designing slides or even worse realise that the boss is going around demanding loads of unnecessary info just to see whether there is an 'interesting' slide to be got out of it.

There are no interesting slides. If you can't enthuse people by what you have to say then I suppose you should just be sat down and shouldn't be presenting in the first place.

I might respond to future requests for presentations by saying 'I don't use powerpoint because in all honesty my work is too dull for slides'.

Even worse when there are three or four humans collected around a powerpoint screen and they are taking turns reading slides to the audience who can read it perfectly well themselves from where they are seated. If they all hadn't died of boredom ten minutes ago.

It is like some kind of rite of passage. Have powerpoint will travel. They should train the homeless in powerpoint. 'Will powerpoint for food' on their little cardboard signs.
I loath the bloody thing, however it is much beloved of my colleagues and if you want to get a message across pp is essential, the more cluttered and detailed the slide the better.

However, not all at the top are equally impressed. In anticipation of the arrival of a prestigious visitor, hundreds of man hours were wasted putting pp together. Visitor arrived, watched on slide and closed the whole thing down, he was more interested in hearing what people had to say.
 

Lumpy Talbot

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The little family donkey, let's call him 'PowerPint', is after turning around and showing his teeth at me.

There was a fellow in the audience there the other week who is on the committee of another national organisation and he rang up yesterday to get me to speak at their annual conference next year.

I agreed to do it and then he sprang the trap. 'We'll need at least a few slides and sure you know that it helps prevent people ringing you up for weeks afterwards asking you more questions'.

Caught by the bollocks. I now have to do a minimal powerpoint but it is next year so I'll worry about it then.

I might pull a flanker and just show slides behind me of pictures of goats I like from th' Internet.

That'd put a stop to their cough. From avoiding speaking in public successfully for 20 years or more I'm after stepping into the goo right now well and proper.

Me and my big feckin' mouth.
 

Lumpy Talbot

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It'll all end in a cell. I was warned by the Deputy Head of the school in Tullybarna on my last day there that some day 'You'll die swinging, you will'.

I'll be like Oscar Wilde or Pat Hickey or one or other of those Olympian Irishmen who live by the ticket and die by the ticket.
 

Lumpy Talbot

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Jesus there was near enough a hundred this time. I still didn't do a power-point. I've worked out a spiel though that I prefer to have an interactive session and encourage questions as we go.

That seems to work alright. I've three more invitations to speak now. Spoke extemporaneously for about fifty minutes.

It'll end in jail and a noosed rope outside catching the last rays of the evening sun and casting foreboding shadows on the cell wall.

It'd still be better than the Senate though.
 


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