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Should Irish car thieves be more like Swiss car thieves?


Shqiptar

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I've noticed recently a series of threads extolling the virtues of Switzerland as a country and urging or at least wondering if we should emulate this alpine nation.

This is a welcome development! I'd like to see more! Permit me to add a few other areas that spring to mind where we come up short relative to the denizens of Helvetia.

Car stealing! We're way behind the Swiss on this. Car theft in Switzerland (a country with less than twice our population) is running at between 4 and 5 times Irish levels.

Car thefts statistics - countries compared - Crime data on NationMaster

Clearly, we have a lot of catching up to do there.

Loony far rightists: the Swiss People's Party has achieved major electoral success by focusing on immigration issues and festooning the country with wonderfully inventive posters showing black hands grabbing at Swiss passports and white sheep kicking black sheep. Here in Ireland, we don't even have a loony far-right party. How embarrassing! What's wrong with us??

Banking secrecy: well, what needs be said here!? Every dictator who has ever looted the treasury of a failed African state sooner or later calls up one Swiss bank or another. We're so missing out on this lucrative market.

Feel free to add more....
 
Last edited:


Iphonista

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Mr Germany walks into a bar, he gets a place at the bar on the other side of Mr Poland from Mr russia. Mr Britain notices this but chooses to ignore it and notices Mr France heading to the toilet vacating his seat.

Mr Russia and Mr Germany push Mr Poland off his seat then decide to use his stool to put their bags on dividing it equally.

Mr Germany notices that Mr France left his seat and starts spreading his stuff over it.

While this is all happening Mr Switzerland decides to sit in the middle but not take any side, either condemning or commending but at the same time offering to hold onto any jackets that Mr Germany has found.

Suddenly Mr France comes out of the toilet and yelps like a little girl and goes to mBritain and tries to get him to retrieve his seat. Mr Switzerland sees what's happening and sets up a coat check stand. As it is all about to kick off into a bar room brawl Mr. Switzerland hands out flyers to say his coat check stand is open and tells everyne he is the only person you can trust and you dont want to leave your jackets out.

Everyone checks in their coats that can, and when the fighting is over they go to retrieve their jackets. They are met with the excuse that they dont have the relevant ticket and lose their coats all together or retrieve their coat and find that someone has gone through their pockets and all their money and wallets are gone.
 

sondagefaux

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Switzerland should be renamed Mobutuland, in honour of the amount of loot the late kleptomaniac dictator stuffed away there.
 

firefly123

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Plus toblerones hurt the roof of my mouth!
 

firefly123

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Bite the angles off
I have issues with chocolate. Issues that involve me skipping past the whole chewing section and going straight to the wolfing part. Pointy chocolate creates a problem.
 

alloverbartheshouting

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I have issues with chocolate. Issues that involve me skipping past the whole chewing section and going straight to the wolfing part. Pointy chocolate creates a problem.
You DO know a toblerone is meant to to be broken into chunks before you cram it into your mouth? Don't you? :shock2:
 

Mountaintop

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Must....not.....make .....inappropriate....Marianne .....Faithfull.........joke......
 

Lempo

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Plus toblerones hurt the roof of my mouth!
Ohh I just hate it when you have a first world problem and everybody but ridicules you and goes on about some other people and their basic needs.
 

alloverbartheshouting

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As I have stated I have issues with chocolate. Don't judge me!
In fairness, firefly, I'd never judge you. I have similar issues with cheese. Which, in fairness, is another reason to dislike the Swiss. What kind of nation not only produces injury inflicting chocolate but also a dairy product made mostly of air?



That's not a pic of me, BTW, but of a lodger currently living in my fridge. He says his name is Pierre and that he is from the canton of Luzern. I don't know how truthful he is as I think he is part of a Swiss carjacking ring attempting to make the Irish market more efficient.
 

firefly123

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Ohh I just hate it when you have a first world problem and everybody but ridicules you and goes on about some other people and their basic needs.
Even Mazlows hierarchy of needs is toblerone shaped! Coincidence? I think not!
 

firefly123

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In fairness, firefly, I'd never judge you. I have similar issues with cheese. Which, in fairness, is another reason to dislike the Swiss. What kind of nation not only produces injury inflicting chocolate but also a dairy product made mostly of air?



That's not a pic of me, BTW, but of a lodger currently living in my fridge. He says his name is Pierre and that he is from the canton of Luzern. I don't know how truthful he is as I think he is part of a Swiss carjacking ring attempting to make the Irish market more efficient.
Same with Aero bars! Who pays for air when it could be filled by thick delicious creamy Choco..... Mmmmmmmmm!
 

Shqiptar

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Mr Germany walks into a bar, he gets a place at the bar on the other side of Mr Poland from Mr russia. Mr Britain notices this but chooses to ignore it and notices Mr France heading to the toilet vacating his seat.

Mr Russia and Mr Germany push Mr Poland off his seat then decide to use his stool to put their bags on dividing it equally.

Mr Germany notices that Mr France left his seat and starts spreading his stuff over it.

While this is all happening Mr Switzerland decides to sit in the middle but not take any side, either condemning or commending but at the same time offering to hold onto any jackets that Mr Germany has found.

Suddenly Mr France comes out of the toilet and yelps like a little girl and goes to mBritain and tries to get him to retrieve his seat. Mr Switzerland sees what's happening and sets up a coat check stand. As it is all about to kick off into a bar room brawl Mr. Switzerland hands out flyers to say his coat check stand is open and tells everyne he is the only person you can trust and you dont want to leave your jackets out.

Everyone checks in their coats that can, and when the fighting is over they go to retrieve their jackets. They are met with the excuse that they dont have the relevant ticket and lose their coats all together or retrieve their coat and find that someone has gone through their pockets and all their money and wallets are gone.
Uncharacteristically, Mr Ireland stood outside the bar tut-tutting about the noise. He did get hit by the occasional flying glass.
 

Socratus O' Pericles

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A Mafia Don walks into a Swiss bank. He is accompanied by several henchmen who whip out machine-guns.
The Don says, "Do as I say and nobody gets hurt! Bring me the manager."
The manager comes out and the Don says, "Members of my organisation have been swindling me out of money and depositing it in this bank. Give me their names and I'll let you live."
The manager replies, "We Swiss bankers never give out the names of our customers."
The Don shouts, "This is your last warning! Give me the names or we kill you and everyone in this building!"
But the manager says, "We Swiss bankers would rather die than betray the trust of our clients."
So the Don nods to his henchmen and they put their machine-guns away. Then he starts pulling thick wads of hundred-dollar bills from his pockets and says, "I would like to open an account here, please."
 

Lempo

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And their god damn army knifes.

How am I to drunkenly stab anyone with a two-and-a-half inch blade which I can't even switch out with the eye-hand-coordination I generally have at that point of night when the need usually arises? :|

Do I just throw it at the other guy and yell at him to pick the blade he wants to be skewered with?
 

EvotingMachine0197

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I've been to Europe loads of times but never managed to find Switzerland. Is it definitely there?
 

Shqiptar

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From alan Wed Aug 9 08:54:08 1995
To: andrew, frank, paul, eamonn, charl, jeremy
Subject: You know you've..
Content-Type: X-sun-attachment
Content-Length: 8974

You know you've been in (German speaking) Switzerland too long when:

..you think it's economically wasteful to have more than one brand of
a product in a store.
..you think spontaneity is OK, as long as it's planned.
..you think getting up early is good.

(Much) more here:
You know you've been in Switzerland too long when..

(The above is riddled with spelling errors which I'm sure is completely un-Swiss.)
 

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