Take up your Bed and Walk! Next Tuesday.

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I've finally met them. I first heard of them on here, but never from anyone else until recently a few more people have mentioned them, locally, kinda whispering and shuffling of feet mentioning, you know what I mean?

Jesus' Church has just come knocking. They are "CATHOLIC BURN AGAIN CHRISTIANS" from what I gathered. Fluffycots and all you other Gays are going straight to hell, but don't be sad because so am I because I am divorced. But there might be a light at the end of the tunnel for me because I never remarried! I invited them in with delight because I had just lit the candles in front of my main Buddha, so I let the trio in ahead of me and watched with delight the look on their faces when they saw the alter. Well, it's not really an alter, just the mantlepiece with Buddha perched in the middle and crystal angels on each end and candles.

Oh heaven. It was great. They nearly passed out from the shock. Then the leader glanced down at my crutches and noted the wheelchair and said "if you had not deserted Jesus and were not adoring false gods, you would be whole again."

I thought to myself, calm yourself, calm yourself, there is milage here yet. Entertainment to be stored up. "What do you mean", I whined, "Jesus doesn't care about me, I'm nobody". Out whipped three bibles and we were off. So next Tuesday at 8pm, I am expected at The Upper Room, 6, New Antrim Street, Castlebar, for Healing. They will carry me up the stairs, they said, but I will spring down the stairs on my own, once I confess all and beg for forgiveness and discard the false gods immediately.

One of the trio, now gasp, listen to this, had pains in her legs and no doctor could tell her what the pains were. One visit to the Healing session and Jesus cured her!!! Yup! "I sort of just don't have a broken leg and rib", I said, embarrassed, "I kinda have cancer too. Is there anything to be done about that?" Nosh a bodder!

So will I go and see. Or is that really being evil?
 


mr_anderson

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About a year and a half ago I answered my door to be greeted by two rather attractive 20-something women.

They asked me if I wished to learn about the Good News of Jesus Christ.
I said 'absolutely, if you wished to learn about the Good News of oral sex'.

Unfortunately they declined. :cry:
 

picador

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20,659
I've finally met them. I first heard of them on here, but never from anyone else until recently a few more people have mentioned them, locally, kinda whispering and shuffling of feet mentioning, you know what I mean?

Jesus' Church has just come knocking. They are "CATHOLIC BURN AGAIN CHRISTIANS" from what I gathered. Fluffycots and all you other Gays are going straight to hell, but don't be sad because so am I because I am divorced. But there might be a light at the end of the tunnel for me because I never remarried! I invited them in with delight because I had just lit the candles in front of my main Buddha, so I let the trio in ahead of me and watched with delight the look on their faces when they saw the alter. Well, it's not really an alter, just the mantlepiece with Buddha perched in the middle and crystal angels on each end and candles.

Oh heaven. It was great. They nearly passed out from the shock. Then the leader glanced down at my crutches and noted the wheelchair and said "if you had not deserted Jesus and were not adoring false gods, you would be whole again."

I thought to myself, calm yourself, calm yourself, there is milage here yet. Entertainment to be stored up. "What do you mean", I whined, "Jesus doesn't care about me, I'm nobody". Out whipped three bibles and we were off. So next Tuesday at 8pm, I am expected at The Upper Room, 6, New Antrim Street, Castlebar, for Healing. They will carry me up the stairs, they said, but I will spring down the stairs on my own, once I confess all and beg for forgiveness and discard the false gods immediately.

One of the trio, now gasp, listen to this, had pains in her legs and no doctor could tell her what the pains were. One visit to the Healing session and Jesus cured her!!! Yup! "I sort of just don't have a broken leg and rib", I said, embarrassed, "I kinda have cancer too. Is there anything to be done about that?" Nosh a bodder!

So will I go and see. Or is that really being evil?
If they get word that you have posted this they will probably burn you at the stake.
 

martino

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Do you know those well dressed, polite American young men who come proselytising from time to time? They wear black suits and have name badges, refer to themselves as Elder so and so? It could be the Mormons, not sure. Well one day they came to me, and one of them, wait for it, was called Elder Berry! Gospel!
 

He3

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Laz are you sure they weren't the lads from the IMF?

Next time ask for ID. If you see the words 'Technical Services' you know you have them: do not turn your back on the wheelchair for a second or they'll repossess it. They are merciless.
 

ifreannach

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lol, i remember in england they knocked on me door and me always with the door open left them in tears.....i felt bad for about 0 seconds but it still cracks me up thinking of it
 

Cruimh

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Do you know those well dressed, polite American young men who come proselytising from time to time? They wear black suits and have name badges, refer to themselves as Elder so and so? It could be the Mormons, not sure. Well one day they came to me, and one of them, wait for it, was called Elder Berry! Gospel!
Mormons can be fun!

Joyce McKinney ring any bells ?

You have done it now Lazarus. Shown interest - they'll be harder to shake off than the Readers Digest.
 

The OD

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Whats worse is that they keep repeating the same old thing. God and Religion needs to move with the times, I mean, who really wants to read about a 4'11'' hairy Hebrew dude in Sandals?

Get him into a sharp suit, cut that beard, decent haircut and arm him with some Oscar Wilde or even Groucho Marx quotes - lets face it, his followers only seem to appreciate some of what he said, the bits about tolerance, turning the other cheek and forgiveness have been left on the shelf of late?
 

Legacy

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From a purely selfish perspective I urge you to go cos I would be waiting with bated breath next Tuesday night for the thread title 'Its a Miracle'! :) If you would get some fun out of winding them up then I'd say go for it.

On the other hand however these zealots can be cruel and vindictive and close proximity can be dangerous to your health. They could give you a bout of the evils or drop you on your head on the stairs! So tread (no pun intended!) carefully..

PS if they cure you will you give them my number? I have something I need seeing to.. ;)
 

Warren Poynt

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Laz,

It's neither nice nor edifying to extract 'mileage' or 'entertainment' from misguided Born-Again-Catholics or other Christianity-know-all types who might call to our doors with a view to enjoining us to their type of religion.

These people are more to be pitied than ridiculed. They are invariably young, ill-read as far as comparative religions (or none !) are concerned and are motivated by zeal and what they like to describe as their 'faith'.

They are often intolerant of others, their views are fixed and inflexible, and, unfortunately for the rest of us, they really believe what they preach.

But that should not diminish the rest of us. We should not have to climb down to their level of discussion or argument and we should not allow ourselves to be drawn into debate with them especialy when we are convinced of their naivity and mistakes and our own certitude of belief (or lack of belief). They do not need to be humiliated or intellectually made a fool of.

Far better that we politely decline their offers of 'help' saying our concerned humanism and charitable nature matches anything they might have to offer us.

Let us kill them with our kindness, good disposition and lack of Christian (or other) bigotry. Let us show them there is another way.

Engaging in an adverserial combat or patronising debate is not the way. It only diminishes them and us.
 

Telemachus

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What sect were these lads a part of?
 
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Ah WP, I wasn't diminishing them. They went off thrilled with themselves. I sat back thrilled with myself. All is happy. They were telling me that they raise the Banner For God, like a football fan would raise his club's banner. Then, lol, they told me about the time that God told Joshua to lead the Isralites into battle and Moses must keep "his staff raised high". But when Moses got tired his staff lowered, lol, and the Isralites started losing so poor Moses had to keep "his staff raised high all the time". Oh lol.

I know I shouldn't laugh but really, they were very nasty about Gays and about single parents and "baby killers", women who have abortions, all said with venom but with a smile as well. Quite sick really. They are adamant that the Holy Spirit will cure me "but only if I truly confess and place myself in palm of God's hand. That's the "get out" clause. When I hobble off down the stairs it will be my fault for not being truely sorry for my sins. What bloody sins? I don't have a chance to sin. I think I will go.

At least the Mormons, Elder Berry and that are good looking young fellas, but the Jehovoh Witnesses, eeh, no. They all appear thick, well, the ones I've met.

But these are Roman Catholics. But the armed wing, I suspect.
 

Mar Tweedy

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Lazarus, are you sure you want to be in a room with repressed nutter zealots from which it will be hard for you to leave without their help????

The Moses story is funny alright but you'll be their captive audience for the night!
 
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You are probably right Mar, but think of the material I could gather. I didn't give them my phone number which they asked for, I said I would call them.

I would love to bring Cato along with me. Hah! Can you imagine the bedlam. And they upset me over the Gay bashing. I hate that. Seen too much pain in friends' lives over that issue. I don't know. Apparently a powerful Mayo family are at work at this "cult" so I am led to believe. No, you're right, Mar, I wouldn't be able for it. They'd probably kill me, with boredom.
 

TimBuckII

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Yes I am
Laz,

It's neither nice nor edifying to extract 'mileage' or 'entertainment' from misguided Born-Again-Catholics or other Christianity-know-all types who might call to our doors with a view to enjoining us to their type of religion.

These people are more to be pitied than ridiculed. They are invariably young, ill-read as far as comparative religions (or none !) are concerned and are motivated by zeal and what they like to describe as their 'faith'.

They are often intolerant of others, their views are fixed and inflexible, and, unfortunately for the rest of us, they really believe what they preach.

But that should not diminish the rest of us. We should not have to climb down to their level of discussion or argument and we should not allow ourselves to be drawn into debate with them especialy when we are convinced of their naivity and mistakes and our own certitude of belief (or lack of belief). They do not need to be humiliated or intellectually made a fool of.

Far better that we politely decline their offers of 'help' saying our concerned humanism and charitable nature matches anything they might have to offer us.

Let us kill them with our kindness, good disposition and lack of Christian (or other) bigotry. Let us show them there is another way.

Engaging in an adverserial combat or patronising debate is not the way. It only diminishes them and us.
That seem equally hard work. Combating brain washed youths with a different variety of brain wash. Is there no end in sight? Give them tape to listen to while they sleep telling them 'all is well with the world'.


Lazarus
You are probably right Mar, but think of the material I could gather. I didn't give them my phone number which they asked for, I said I would call them.

I would love to bring Cato along with me. Hah! Can you imagine the bedlam. And they upset me over the Gay bashing. I hate that. Seen too much pain in friends' lives over that issue. I don't know. Apparently a powerful Mayo family are at work at this "cult" so I am led to believe. No, you're right, Mar, I wouldn't be able for it. They'd probably kill me, with boredom.
I often thought of having a look at the Sientologists for the craic but would be terrified that they could get the better of me.

It's not the Flynn family of Mayo is it:confused:
 
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That seem equally hard work. Combating brain washed youths with a different variety of brain wash. Is there no end in sight? Give them tape to listen to while they sleep telling them 'all is well with the world'.




I often thought of having a look at the Sientologists for the craic but would be terrified that they could get the better of me.

It's not the Flynn family of Mayo is it:confused:
No TimBuck11, another mighty clan is involved. Rich beyond belief I hear. Most certainly spoken of very quietly, if you get my drift.

The Scientologists. They only want you if you have money. The Mormons demand 10% of your weekly income. Nice looking lads are not worth that much. The Jehovah Witness crowd I came across were barely able to read the bloody bible and bored me to death in 10 seconds flat.

But isn't it awful Timbuck11, there is a part of me that is saying "I wonder if..."
 


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