Taking the surname of the wife in marriage

Concerned Irishman

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Pretty much all surnames are male names - in that, historically, they have always been passed on by a man. Many simply put this down to custom, but if that is in fact just what it is, then it seems fair to point out that customs have power and are used to reinforce patriarchy in society over generations. In this case the idea that womyn are the property of men. Womyn don't have their own names, and never will until they start being the ones to pass them on to their children and change the norm that has been established. It seems to me that men, voluntarily choosing to take the surname of their wives would be an extremely proactive way to challenge the root assumptions of patriarchy.

This is not even that controversial - consider the case of the american actress Zoe Saldana.

I also think there should be a unisex married title, so that a, it's not all one way (as with Mrs) and b, people have a choice to go against the patriarchal nature of tradition. And it particular for men to show they have found their partner, who is their equal companion. Ultimately moving titles away from 'ownership' and privilege/status. And having it more about telling the world you've found an amazing person, regardless of gender roles, or even sexuality for that matter.

What do you think?
 


Cellachán Chaisil

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Taking spouses' names is a foreign notion.
 

wexfordman

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Pretty much all surnames are male names - in that, historically, they have always been passed on by a man. Many simply put this down to custom, but if that is in fact just what it is, then it seems fair to point out that customs have power and are used to reinforce patriarchy in society over generations. In this case the idea that womyn are the property of men. Womyn don't have their own names, and never will until they start being the ones to pass them on to their children and change the norm that has been established. It seems to me that men, voluntarily choosing to take the surname of their wives would be an extremely proactive way to challenge the root assumptions of patriarchy.

This is not even that controversial - consider the case of the american actress Zoe Saldana.

I also think there should be a unisex married title, so that a, it's not all one way (as with Mrs) and b, people have a choice to go against the patriarchal nature of tradition. And it particular for men to show they have found their partner, who is their equal companion. Ultimately moving titles away from 'ownership' and privilege/status. And having it more about telling the world you've found an amazing person, regardless of gender roles, or even sexuality for that matter.

What do you think?
I think as a concerned Irishman, you have little to be concerned about.
 

silverharp

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Jan 21, 2015
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16,408
my wife didnt take mine because it would make name recognition in her business more difficult, cool with me. if it was for some "feminist" reason that would have been a red flag and I'd have insisted on my surname being used for the kids an obvious deal breaker and no double barrel name nonsense.
 

Bea C

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Having quite a distinctive name, I most certainly would never dump it professionally.
I must confess that dumping it for something mundane and common in my personal life could knark me too?
 

Watcher2

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May 2, 2010
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34,478
Pretty much all surnames are male names - in that, historically, they have always been passed on by a man. Many simply put this down to custom, but if that is in fact just what it is, then it seems fair to point out that customs have power and are used to reinforce patriarchy in society over generations. In this case the idea that womyn are the property of men. Womyn don't have their own names, and never will until they start being the ones to pass them on to their children and change the norm that has been established. It seems to me that men, voluntarily choosing to take the surname of their wives would be an extremely proactive way to challenge the root assumptions of patriarchy.

This is not even that controversial - consider the case of the american actress Zoe Saldana.

I also think there should be a unisex married title, so that a, it's not all one way (as with Mrs) and b, people have a choice to go against the patriarchal nature of tradition. And it particular for men to show they have found their partner, who is their equal companion. Ultimately moving titles away from 'ownership' and privilege/status. And having it more about telling the world you've found an amazing person, regardless of gender roles, or even sexuality for that matter.

What do you think?
If what you say is true, then the womans name is already a mans name so the game is up. Armageddon will ensue.

Is that a third chip I see growing out of your back, in between the two on your shoulders?
 

*EPIC SUCCESS*

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Pretty much all surnames are male names - in that, historically, they have always been passed on by a man. Many simply put this down to custom, but if that is in fact just what it is, then it seems fair to point out that customs have power and are used to reinforce patriarchy in society over generations. In this case the idea that womyn are the property of men. Womyn don't have their own names, and never will until they start being the ones to pass them on to their children and change the norm that has been established. It seems to me that men, voluntarily choosing to take the surname of their wives would be an extremely proactive way to challenge the root assumptions of patriarchy.

This is not even that controversial - consider the case of the american actress Zoe Saldana.

I also think there should be a unisex married title, so that a, it's not all one way (as with Mrs) and b, people have a choice to go against the patriarchal nature of tradition. And it particular for men to show they have found their partner, who is their equal companion. Ultimately moving titles away from 'ownership' and privilege/status. And having it more about telling the world you've found an amazing person, regardless of gender roles, or even sexuality for that matter.

What do you think?
Whats a 'womyn'?

Oh and for the record, my wife didn't take my name when we married, the kids have taken my name, her decision, I don't really care but she reckoned that it would save on the confusion.

Would I take her name? Don't know really, I can't see why not?
 

Mercurial

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Jun 4, 2009
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I know of two couples who dealt with this issue by choosing a completely new name upon marriage, so I suppose that's also an option, if not one that appeals to me.

There's also the option of the double-barrelled surname. I know of a gay couple who decided to go for that, but decided to swap the names around for each (so "Brown-Smith" and "Smith-Brown", for example) which just sounds silly to me.

When my parents married, my mother kept her maiden name, for work reasons. My sister who married recently told me that she decided to change her name to her husband's because when she was young, people would often assume that our parents were divorced, and she didn't want that experience for any children she might have.

It's a tricky one, but also a silly one, that really shouldn't keep anyone awake at night.
 

Dame_Enda

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I think this is quite rare. What is increasingly common though is to merge the two surnames - a fad once the preserve of upper crust types.
 

GDPR

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Lots of guys use their wives names when putting assets beyond the reach of the tax man.

Been going on for years.
 

*EPIC SUCCESS*

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I know of two couples who dealt with this issue by choosing a completely new name upon marriage, so I suppose that's also an option, if not one that appeals to me.

There's also the option of the double-barrelled surname. I know of a gay couple who decided to go for that, but decided to swap the names around for each (so "Brown-Smith" and "Smith-Brown", for example) which just sounds silly to me.

When my parents married, my mother kept her maiden name, for work reasons. My sister who married recently told me that she decided to change her name to her husband's because when she was young, people would often assume that our parents were divorced, and she didn't want that experience for any children she might have.

It's a tricky one, but also a silly one, that really shouldn't keep anyone awake at night.
I think this is quite rare. What is increasingly common though is to merge the two surnames - a fad once the preserve of upper crust types.
People who have double barreled names should be put in a circus cannon and shot into a pit of starving crocodiles.
 

flavirostris

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I think that any man that decided to take his wife's name is a ball-less, cuckholded beta male who should be kicked out of the man club.

It's like something Eoin O'Broin would do. He looks like that kind of a spineless cuck.
 

Rural

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I didn't know you could do that, except for the double-barrelled option, which is a bit naff really.
 

ShoutingIsLeadership

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I think that any man that decided to take his wife's name is a ball-less, cuckholded beta male who should be kicked out of the man club.

It's like something Eoin O'Broin would do. He looks like that kind of a spineless cuck.
Are you in the man club?

If so, can I be kicked out?
 

tigerben

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Majority of girls I know take the husbands name. It's changed on Facebook before they get to the reception at this stage. My sister is getting married soon and she be changing her name. I've not heard of any couple going double barrelled . I would say to any man , be careful with the double barrel baby names . The kids always drop the last name so on social media they're known by the mother's name. Not the worst thing but I know it has annoyed some of the men I know.
 

GDPR

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Double-barrelled used to be a real class marker in England - signified the union of two very important families.

Then in the 90s, as more and more children of unmarried parents began entering the primary school system, where they were registered with both surnames, there was a real loss of social cachet.

Tiffany Burns-Johnson and Jayden Smith-Marks dragged the whole thing right down.
 


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