Taking the surname of the wife in marriage

blokesbloke

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I think this is quite rare. What is increasingly common though is to merge the two surnames - a fad once the preserve of upper crust types.
Which will lead to a generation of kids both with double-barrelled names, so do they have to be quadruple-barrelled when they marry?

What about their children?

First-world problems...
 


A Voice

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Pretty much all surnames are male names - in that, historically, they have always been passed on by a man. Many simply put this down to custom, but if that is in fact just what it is, then it seems fair to point out that customs have power and are used to reinforce patriarchy in society over generations. In this case the idea that womyn are the property of men. Womyn don't have their own names, and never will until they start being the ones to pass them on to their children and change the norm that has been established. It seems to me that men, voluntarily choosing to take the surname of their wives would be an extremely proactive way to challenge the root assumptions of patriarchy.

This is not even that controversial - consider the case of the american actress Zoe Saldana.

I also think there should be a unisex married title, so that a, it's not all one way (as with Mrs) and b, people have a choice to go against the patriarchal nature of tradition. And it particular for men to show they have found their partner, who is their equal companion. Ultimately moving titles away from 'ownership' and privilege/status. And having it more about telling the world you've found an amazing person, regardless of gender roles, or even sexuality for that matter.

What do you think?
Welcome back, Concyrnd Yryshwymyn. We've missed you!
 

Prof Honeydew

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My wife kept nagging me to change our surname from Himmler to Goldstein when we decided to emigrate to Israel but eventually I got her to see sense.
 
D

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Majority of girls I know take the husbands name. It's changed on Facebook before they get to the reception at this stage. My sister is getting married soon and she be changing her name. I've not heard of any couple going double barrelled . I would say to any man , be careful with the double barrel baby names . The kids always drop the last name so on social media they're known by the mother's name. Not the worst thing but I know it has annoyed some of the men I know.
The Spanish have a way around that problem - as they seem to have a way around everything - double barreled names are the norm, but when a couple get married the man's surname comes first with the wife's second. Then in the next generation when a kid gets married the wife's name is dropped and she becomes just a footnote to family history.:D
 

Cellachán Chaisil

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No one has ever told me what happens when someone with a double barrelled name marries someone with another double barrelled name.

Is there a system?
 

EoinMag

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I had a German colleague who took his wifes name.

When we got married my wife took my name but we had discussed it and it's what she wanted to do, it didn't bother me either way, but we didn't consider the option of me taking here name.
 

Gaston

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Double post
 

Gaston

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My wife uses her maiden name still a lot. Funnily enough she's quite happy to use mine when signing up for anything financial or bills. :)
 

Erudite Caveman

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I had a German colleague who took his wifes name.

When we got married my wife took my name but we had discussed it and it's what she wanted to do, it didn't bother me either way, but we didn't consider the option of me taking here name.
I can't envisage a scenario where I would want to take my wife's name. Then again I can't understand why a wife would want to take her husbands name either.
 

danger here

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It's reasonable common in Germany funny enough, at least everyone has the option of taking the wife's name instead of the other way around (they ask you to decide at the wedding). My sister in law's husband took her maiden name to 'fit in' with the family unit of her and her son (previous single mother) and in that way it makes sense. Ironically her maiden name belongs my father-in-law who himself got divorced decades ago and had another family. My missus took my name to 'lose' his one, though her poor mother still retains the bitter ex's one :D
 

Cellachán Chaisil

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D

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No one has ever told me what happens when someone with a double barrelled name marries someone with another double barrelled name.

Is there a system?
In Spain they each drop the second name and combine the first of each - Mr. Smith-Jones marries Miss McCarthy-O'Connor and they then style themselves Mr. & Mrs. Smith-McCarthy, and so on for generation after generation.
 

GDPR

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Personally, i always loved the US practice where high society dames with multiple marriages behind them would flaunt the surnames of all the men paying alimony to them.

Pamela Digby Churchill Hayward Harriman - here's looking at you, babes. :)
 

Dame_Enda

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Which will lead to a generation of kids both with double-barrelled names, so do they have to be quadruple-barrelled when they marry?

What about their children?

First-world problems...
Well a lot of the English aristocracy do that e.g. Anthony Ashley Cooper., Earl of Shaftesbury etc
 

farnaby

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When we got married my wife took my name but we had discussed it and it's what she wanted to do, it didn't bother me either way, but we didn't consider the option of me taking here name.
No discussion in my case - the wife was practicing her signature with my surname before we were even engaged! I think many women enjoy the fundamental shift in life that a change of name represents.

Which brings up the question - has the OP considered what women actually want on this topic?

There are indeed women who resent the traditional pressure to change names and have a partner who is reluctant to avail of other options listed previously. But do they represent a politically relevant chunk of humanity? Doubt it.
 


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