Taking the surname of the wife in marriage

GDPR

1
Joined
Jul 5, 2008
Messages
217,782
What straw men? YOU said a family bond is stronger when people share a name. I dispute that assertion, from personal experience.
It is, its bound to be, but that isn't the same as me saying your family relationships or any family relationships need that extra strength of bond.

There are many ways to strengthening family bonds and just because you have decided not to use one of them shouldn't mean you have to deny it.
 


GrainneDee

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
26,759
It is, its bound to be, but that isn't the same as me saying your family relationships or any family relationships need that extra strength of bond.

There are many ways to strengthening family bonds and just because you have decided not to use one of them shouldn't mean you have to deny it.
So, you ARE claiming that it makes a family bond stronger. So how is my asserting, from personal experience, that this is not the case, a straw man argument? Do you actually understand what a straw man is?
There are indeed many ways of strengthening family bonds - and sharing a surname is not necessary for it.
 

GDPR

1
Joined
Jul 5, 2008
Messages
217,782
So the strength of my relationship with my daughter and my husband needs strengthening?? I don't think so...
So, you ARE claiming that it makes a family bond stronger. So how is my asserting, from personal experience, that this is not the case, a straw man argument?
As you will see from your post above, that was not the straw man argument you made, what you actually did in the above post was to argue against an argument that was never made.

Having the possibility to strengthen relationships and relationships needing that extra strength are two different things. I thought I made that clear.

Therein lies your straw man.
 

ruman

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2015
Messages
3,252
I said nothing about you expecting it.

What has living with someone got to do with giving up one's identity?
As much as taking your husbands name ?

No idea, I don't even know what your talking about when you say "giving up your identity". Its a catchphrase that you keep repeating as a means to belittle woman who take their husbands name.
 
Last edited:

Bubbleheaded

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Messages
551
I do take a dim view of people who willingly accept patriarchal traditions that demean them. I'm funny that way. I respect their right to make those decisions, I just don't think much of them.
Hopefully your leadership will allow them to see the error of their ways, and they will feel suitably chastised, and not the least bit patronised.
 

GrainneDee

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
26,759
As you will see from your post above, that was not the straw man argument you made, what you actually did in the above post was to argue against an argument that was never made.

Having the possibility to strengthen relationships and relationships needing that extra strength are two different things. I thought I made that clear.

Therein lies your straw man.
Never made? You, and others, have repeatedly said that the bond is strengthened by people having the same name. I didn't introduce that argument, simply refuted it. If you think it's a straw man argument, look in the mirror..

Bottom line, if you need to share a name to strengthen your relationship or bond, you might need to think about the nature of that relationship or bond...
 

GrainneDee

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
26,759
As much as taking your husbands name ?

No idea, I don't even know what your talking about when you say "giving up your identity". Its a catchphrase that you keep repeating as a means to belittle woman who take their husbands name.
You don't know what "giving up your identity" means. Seriously?? Ok, let me try it in easy language; everyone knows you as "ruman". Suddenly you start posting under the name "Mickey Mouse". How do we know it's you? It's hardly rocket science, understanding how a name identifies a person...
 

silverharp

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 21, 2015
Messages
16,380
You don't know what "giving up your identity" means. Seriously?? Ok, let me try it in easy language; everyone knows you as "ruman". Suddenly you start posting under the name "Mickey Mouse". How do we know it's you? It's hardly rocket science, understanding how a name identifies a person...
going by the emails I get at work the ladies are just gagging to get their "ive changed my surname to my married name" email out.
 

ruman

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2015
Messages
3,252
You don't know what "giving up your identity" means. Seriously?? Ok, let me try it in easy language; everyone knows you as "ruman". Suddenly you start posting under the name "Mickey Mouse". How do we know it's you? It's hardly rocket science, understanding how a name identifies a person...
YOU have decided that a woman changing her name is "giving up her identity". That's simply your opinion. I don't share it and neither do most married women. You have apparently decided that you are better then me and indeed most married women.

Lots of things identify people not simply their name. In your mind "giving up your identity" disqualifies people from being worthy of respect. Again that's your OPINION and most people would not share it.

Spare me your condescension. It says more about you then me. Given the fact that you treat every woman who changes her name (the majority) with the same attitude ill take it as a compliment!
 

GDPR

1
Joined
Jul 5, 2008
Messages
217,782
Never made? You, and others, have repeatedly said that the bond is strengthened by people having the same name. I didn't introduce that argument, simply refuted it. If you think it's a straw man argument, look in the mirror..

Bottom line, if you need to share a name to strengthen your relationship or bond, you might need to think about the nature of that relationship or bond...
Again you are confusing "positive effect of" with a "need", I don't understand why you keep doing this.
 

Bubbleheaded

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2016
Messages
551
No idea what you're ranting about
You should go ahead and look up the meaning of the word rant. It doesn't mean what you think it means. Then, when you understand what it does mean, read back through a few of your own posts.
 

GrainneDee

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
26,759
You should go ahead and look up the meaning of the word rant. It doesn't mean what you think it means. Then, when you understand what it does mean, read back through a few of your own posts.
Oh I do. And it's not my logical reasoning...
 

GrainneDee

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
26,759
going by the emails I get at work the ladies are just gagging to get their "ive changed my surname to my married name" email out.
I know two people at work who have changed their names. And they would be older ladies...
 

GrainneDee

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
26,759
YOU have decided that a woman changing her name is "giving up her identity". That's simply your opinion. I don't share it and neither do most married women. You have apparently decided that you are better then me and indeed most married women.

Lots of things identify people not simply their name. In your mind "giving up your identity" disqualifies people from being worthy of respect. Again that's your OPINION and most people would not share it.

Spare me your condescension. It says more about you then me. Given the fact that you treat every woman who changes her name (the majority) with the same attitude ill take it as a compliment!
I haven't decided, and nothing condescending about it. It's fact - if you give up something that identifies you, it impinges on how people identify you.
 

ruman

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2015
Messages
3,252
I haven't decided, and nothing condescending about it. It's fact - if you give up something that identifies you, it impinges on how people identify you.
As does moving house or country, dying your hair, getting a tattoo etc etc
People do these things all the time. That's life , deal with it.

As I said previously if you were consistent you would reject your daddy's name also. You're not prepared to do that.
Anyone who decides their daddy is more important then their husband is probably not mature enough to get married in any case.
 
Last edited:

GrainneDee

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2011
Messages
26,759
As does moving house or country, dying your hair, getting a tattoo etc etc
People do these things all the time. That's life , deal with it.

As I said previously if you were consistent you would reject your daddy's name also. You're not prepared to do that.
Anyone who decides their daddy is more important then their husband is probably not mature enough to get married in any case.
Moving house or getting a tattoo doesn't take away from who you are by assuming someone else's identity.

I'm not prepared to not use my patronym, because it is, for better or worse, my identity since birth, and because you have to start somewhere.

Any husband who decides they are more important than their wife is probably not mature or selfless enough to marry in the first place.
 


New Threads

Popular Threads

Most Replies

Top