The Real Northern Irish Problem

Irish-Rationalist

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Northern Ireland/06C is renowned for its problems with past Unionist hegemony and domination, endemic sectarianism, Republican and Loyalist violence, and in more recent times, Jim Allister of the TUV, who has a speech defect which makes him pronounce his Ls as Ws. As a typical Unionist/Woyalist who hates Wepublicans, he’s generawwy woved and appreciated by those on the far-right of Unionism, who wish to return NI to the past.

But this thread isn’t about Jim Awwister, it’s about an age-old, persistent and ongoing problem; that of the Norn Iron speech impediment which has hitherto managed to pass itself off as a regional accent. The Norn Ireland accent has baffled sociolinguists, phoneticians and linguistic anthropologists for decades. When examined, it became apparent that Norn Irish people speak with a spectrum of sub-regional accents, all of which are horrendous or bordering on horrendous, with the strong Belfast brogue being likened to a brutal assault upon the ears.

However, some Norn Irish people in fact speak quite well. Take Eamon Holmes, Patrick Kielty and Gloria Hunniford, for example, all of whom left for England, underwent elocution lessons thus learning to speak English in the manner it was intended, then briefly returned to NI to discover that no-one understood them. So left again.

When Norn Irish people visit England and open their mouths, many English people smile awkwardly, freeze on the spot, recoil in horror, or gently back away with eyes widened. Many a tear has been brought to the well spoken English child’s eye upon first exposure to the NI accent, with some poor NI folk being unfairly arrested and charged with assault and battery.

Unionist’s have been vehemently opposed to the introduction of an Irish language act, and despite being incapable of pronouncing a single word of comprehensible English. The new DUP girl, what’s his name, Arnold Foster, speaks with a sluggish Fermanagh drawl, whilst other member’s of his party mumble some BS about cocolyer and currying one’s yogurt. Wtf?

It is now evident that if Norn Ireland people want to attain social acceptability, and not get rejected, ridiculed and treated in a less than civil manner everywhere they go because of their regional speech impediment, the NI executive should seriously consider putting together an English Language act, and provide free speech therapy for those in NI who wish to overcome the regional disability and barrier to social advancement, and speak the English language in a more gentle, fluent and comprehensible manner.

Personally, as an Irish Republican I’m quite fond of received pronunciation and the Oxbridge accent, and speak with an accent similar to that of Jacob-Rees Mogg (well, who wants to sound like a Paddy?). If everyone in NI, both within Unionism and Republicanism, learned to speak like Jacob Rees-Mogg, NI might actually establish itself as an acceptable and proper country and get somewhere, and in time for reunification with the rest of the island.

[video=youtube;jZSC_Z65pKE]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZSC_Z65pKE[/video]
 


GDPR

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I always wanted to speak similarly to Enoch Powell. Now his voice is one that I find so smoothing and reassuring.
 

drummed

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Can somebody do something to rid us of there two posters? Both are serial time wasters.

Thanks.
 

drummed

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Wait, it's clicked. It's Mr. Aphorisms' Nordie twin.
Endless threads of bluster and spoofery that nobody reads which appear to be the rantings of a mental patient? Yep, very similar certainly.
 

between the bridges

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The attention seeking is obviously a cry for help...




































so some of ye selfish barstewarts sort it out while moi watches the footy...
 

Irish-Rationalist

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Endless threads of bluster and spoofery that nobody reads which appear to be the rantings of a mental patient? Yep, very similar certainly.
You seem to read and contribute to quite a lot, in your usual unintelligent, unfunny and negative way.

Are you related to btb and Cryumh?
 

vivabrigada

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cut the begs

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english people really dont understand.i ask a young lad serving in a shop in london for a bit of oil cloth for the kitchen,he didnt seem to know.
 

vivabrigada

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Lord Talbot

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Surely the record holder for most consistently long-winded, meandering and pointless OPs.
 

InsideImDancing

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Beat him to death the life out of him.. Situation, situation..
 

ne0ica

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Funny when I lived abroad I did notice that some English people did seem to recoil when they heard a member of the PUL speaker with that much harsher drawl of theirs speak. Was almost like alarm bells went off in their heads sound. When I was ever asked what part of Ireland I came from they seemed positively reassured I wasn't one of these problem loyalist types.
 

General Urko

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TBH a Nordie accent grates on my ears!
Mainland Brits seem to be well able to distinguish between Southern and Northern Irish accents!
 

GDPR

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Funny when I lived abroad I did notice that some English people did seem to recoil when they heard a member of the PUL speaker with that much harsher drawl of theirs speak. Was almost like alarm bells went off in their heads sound. When I was ever asked what part of Ireland I came from they seemed positively reassured I wasn't one of these problem loyalist types.
This is interesting in that the PUL of Ulster after partition attempted to adopt a "Generic" Britishness and rid themselves of anything that would to much identify them as Irish but lets face it Generic Britishness is obviously defined by the English who are the largest British group and the PULs of Ulster are the least like the English of all groups indigenous to the Atlantic Isles.
 

General Urko

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Many Nordies come across as aggressive bullies down South!
 


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