The worst recipes and/or entire cookbooks ever

GDPR

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I have just dumped nearly all of a dish I made from a recipe on the Deliciously Ella website because it was revolting and inedible. Aside from it being sickeningly sweet the instructions for the chocolate and date topping which the recipe said to "just put in blender and make smooth" it was so thick the blender did not want to have anything to do with it!

This is not the first time I have found Ella's recipes inedible. Around a year ago I had one of her penne dishes and once again I had to throw out most of it. I cannot remember the exact details but she added miso which dominated everything else and not in a good way. Yuk.

So I have made a resolution to avoid the so-called "Deliciously" Ella recipes forever. She is not a good cook but whoever photographs her food is brilliant (making them tempting). Ella is very wealthy having made a mint with her cookbooks and she is a daughter of the Sainsbury's heiress.

Has anyone else had bad experiences with recipes touted on the web or in cookbooks?
 


Bertie's Hat

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I have just dumped nearly all of a dish I made from a recipe on the Deliciously Ella website because it was revolting and inedible. Aside from it being sickeningly sweet the instructions for the chocolate and date topping which the recipe said to "just put in blender and make smooth" it was so thick the blender did not want to have anything to do with it!

This is not the first time I have found Ella's recipes inedible. Around a year ago I had one of her penne dishes and once again I had to throw out most of it. I cannot remember the exact details but she added miso which dominated everything else and not in a good way. Yuk.

So I have made a resolution to avoid the so-called "Deliciously" Ella recipes forever. She is not a good cook but whoever photographs her food is brilliant (making them tempting). Ella is very wealthy having made a mint with her cookbooks and she is a daughter of the Sainsbury's heiress.

Has anyone else had bad experiences with recipes touted on the web or in cookbooks?
Yes, I received one of the Hummingbird Bakery cookbooks as a gift. I was excited to try the recipes which looked beautiful. However the cupcakes didn't turn out well, they overflowed and texture was bad despite following the instructions and not overfilling the cases. I've since read reviews on Amazon from others who have had issues with the quantities on other recipes.

I find Mary Berry's books consistently great though.

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GDPR

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Chocolate and date should have warned you.

Avoid hipster recipes like the plague, or anything that depends on "make it new".

The best recipe books never needed glossy photography, simply because the most delicious recipes dont photograph well. Think of a yucky brown-looking stew, but it is infused with pure goodness and taste explosions.

I avoid the w*nk recipes in the Guardian that are supposed to be how the Scandis or Sri Lankans etc make a dish. They f*ucking do not. They make it in five minutes, using three ingredients, and none of them are pink pepper or frozen sour cherries.

Get your Jenny Bristow, good Ballymena woman with a wild side, and learn to cook from that.
 

Bertie's Hat

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Chocolate and date should have warned you.

Avoid hipster recipes like the plague, or anything that depends on "make it new".

The best recipe books never needed glossy photography, simply because the most delicious recipes dont photograph well. Think of a yucky brown-looking stew, but it is infused with pure goodness and taste explosions.

I avoid the w*nk recipes in the Guardian that are supposed to be how the Scandis or Sri Lankans etc make a dish. They f*ucking do not. They make it in five minutes, using three ingredients, and none of them are pink pepper or frozen sour cherries.

Get your Jenny Bristow, good Ballymena woman with a wild side, and learn to cook from that.
Agreed, not fond of the Helmsley sisters or the likes.

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silverharp

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normally like Youtube for searchable recipes and Ive made a few form this guy's channel, but this one left me a little disappointed , its main thing was having fish and chicken in the same dish. Before hand my wife said, why would you have fish and chicken in the same dish, the fishmonger said the same :D needless to say the combination seemed odd, either would have been fine but will never order a meat fish dish again

[video=youtube;AV7RyOt-Pt0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV7RyOt-Pt0[/video]
 

GDPR

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You can have fish and chicken in the same dish - a classic paella Valenciana. To die for and very easily made. You can even substitute the saffron with a smidge of curry powder, *da igual".

What you shouldnt do is f*uck around with making a fish/chicken soup using peanuts as the main flavour.

Do you lot have no sense?
 

Expose the lot of them

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Chocolate and date should have warned you.

Avoid hipster recipes like the plague, or anything that depends on "make it new".

The best recipe books never needed glossy photography, simply because the most delicious recipes dont photograph well. Think of a yucky brown-looking stew, but it is infused with pure goodness and taste explosions.

I avoid the w*nk recipes in the Guardian that are supposed to be how the Scandis or Sri Lankans etc make a dish. They f*ucking do not. They make it in five minutes, using three ingredients, and none of them are pink pepper or frozen sour cherries.

Get your Jenny Bristow, good Ballymena woman with a wild side, and learn to cook from that.
Paul Prudhomme has some great recipes.

https://www.chefpaul.com/site.php

This is one of my favourites

https://www.chefpaul.com/site.php?pageID=300&view=165

My friends in the U.S. keep me supplied with seasonings.
 

silverharp

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You can have fish and chicken in the same dish - a classic paella Valenciana. To die for and very easily made. You can even substitute the saffron with a smidge of curry powder, *da igual".

What you shouldnt do is f*uck around with making a fish/chicken soup using peanuts as the main flavour.

Do you lot have no sense?
thats seafood not fish
 

former wesleyan

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Simple how to book which doesn't assume that you know how all the tricky bits are done.
 

Dearghoul

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You can have fish and chicken in the same dish - a classic paella Valenciana. To die for and very easily made. You can even substitute the saffron with a smidge of curry powder, *da igual".

What you shouldnt do is f*uck around with making a fish/chicken soup using peanuts as the main flavour.

Do you lot have no sense?
The Bosniaks with their small grazing resources do a fabulous thing with chicken and trout, and with all the herbs and spices to bring those two things together.
 

GDPR

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The Bosniaks with their small grazing resources do a fabulous thing with chicken and trout, and with all the herbs and spices to bring those two things together.
Exactly. They know how to work with what they got. Im a great believer in substitute and simplify and understand where the combination of ingredients and flavours came from when you are making a dish.

If you are mad enough to combine dates and chocolate in a food processor, you deserve everything that is coming to you. Since when were those two ingredients found side by side, anywhere apart from Tescos?
 

Dearghoul

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I'm reliably informed that Nigella Lawsons 'Lemon Chicken' recipe requires liberal doses of cocaine for your guests to suppress the gag reflex.
 

GDPR

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I'm reliably informed that Nigella Lawsons 'Lemon Chicken' recipe requires liberal doses of cocaine for your guests to suppress the gag reflex.
Nigellas recipes are essentially "I bought it from Harrods and then poured chocolate and cream over it."

Thats a cry for help not a recipe. I just see Major Sloane Ranger Bulimic, Head Down The Toilet.

Jamie Oliver is just as bad. "I rammed it, I slammed it, I whisked it and frisked it". F*uck off you little w*anker.

Now Delia and Jenny are your guides to being a proper housewifely cook with aspirations to use spices and condiments.

Ignore all male chefs. They are true professionals, which is why they get paid for the restaurant trade. They really dont want competition from amateurs.
 

Dearghoul

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Nigellas recipes are essentially "I bought it from Harrods and then poured chocolate and cream over it."

Thats a cry for help not a recipe. I just see Major Sloane Ranger Bulimic, Head Down The Toilet.

Jamie Oliver is just as bad. "I rammed it, I slammed it, I whisked it and frisked it". F*uck off you little w*anker.

Now Delia and Jenny are your guides to being a proper housewifely cook with aspirations to use spices and condiments.

Ignore all male chefs. They are true professionals, which is why they get paid for the restaurant trade. They really dont want competition from amateurs.
 

Dearghoul

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normally like Youtube for searchable recipes and Ive made a few form this guy's channel, but this one left me a little disappointed , its main thing was having fish and chicken in the same dish. Before hand my wife said, why would you have fish and chicken in the same dish, the fishmonger said the same :D needless to say the combination seemed odd, either would have been fine but will never order a meat fish dish again

[video=youtube;AV7RyOt-Pt0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV7RyOt-Pt0[/video]
Yes. It seems a bit odd.

Chicken in chocolate ain't all that bad actually, ....no, really.

Expect however to get slated by the yusual slating crew.
 

Bertie's Hat

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I also like both Darina Allen and Rory O'Connell's recipes. I have had good results with the Rachel Allen recipes that I've tried, although I do find her books are hit and miss in terms of recipes that appeal to me.

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Dearghoul

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You can have fish and chicken in the same dish - a classic paella Valenciana. To die for and very easily made. You can even substitute the saffron with a smidge of curry powder, *da igual".

What you shouldnt do is f*uck around with making a fish/chicken soup using peanuts as the main flavour.

Do you lot have no sense?
Mitsui, of this parish, with whom I share very few culinary differences, and meself are at total loggerheads on the issue of saffron. He's like 'It costs enough to keep a family in India fed for a year', and I'm like 'sheesh, you only use a little bit at at a time, and it actually lasts for a year and the cooks bottle of wine would keep them fed for the same year anyway so whats your point exactly?'

I'm still waiting for him to get back to me on that one actually.
 

GDPR

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All you need are the following basics and you must have them.

1. Olive oil
2. Garlic
3. Tomatoes
4. Any root vegetable - all of them, the more the merrier
5. Any scrap of meat or fish
6. A bit of flour or barley or rice
7. Eggs
8. Salt
9. Pepper
10. A couple of pans to cook them in.

After that it is all gravy, mate. :D
 


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