What if the DUP were in charge of the Brexit negotiations?

McSlaggart

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The Northern Irish party has shown how tough it can be in its talks with the Tories

The Democratic Unionist party’s hardball negotiations with UK prime minister Theresa May, have led to suggestions that they should take over Brexit talks. So would the inflexible Protestant party really take Brussels by storm?

Michel Barnier (combing hair): . . . And that is the end of our ninth session on ECJ competence and non-discrimination of medical qualifications of EU nationals resident in the UK. The most interesting so far!
DUP (bursting through door): Shut up.
Barnier: Excuse-moi?
DUP: Is this room 17?
Barnier: Yes. Close the door as you leave.
DUP: We will do no such thing.
Barnier: But you are not invited.
DUP: Yes, we are, Frenchman. The British government has requested all parties’ presence at the negotiating table.
Barnier: I think they mean a different negotiating table. Monsieur Davis and I have already struck up a special partnership.
DUP: A partnership between two men is wrong.
Barnier: But we have already agreed almost everything —
David Davis: [Inaudible due to gag in his mouth]
Barnier: Although, as we say, nothing is agreed until everything is agreed.
DUP: Nothing is agreed until we agree not to punch you in the face.
Davis (freeing himself from gag): Actually, it’s really OK: we’ve negotiated the best possible disast —
DUP: Shut up, Englishman.
Barnier: I am sorry, but who are you?
DUP: We represent the people of Northern Ireland.
Barnier: Could you be more specific?
Davis: The cold bit near Scotland. You could have it as part of the divorce bi-
DUP: We protect the Union.
Barnier: But that is my job.
DUP: It would be madness to separate ourselves from the biggest market across the water. Especially when we have so much violent history in common.
Barnier: But that is my line.
DUP: The people of Northern Ireland must be respected in these Brexit talks.
Barnier: Do they want to leave the customs union?
DUP: Actually they voted Remain. But the Democratic Unionist party demands Brexit.
Barnier: Ah, I see — are you democratic in the EU sense?
DUP: We have points of serious principle that we want to raise in these talks.
Barnier: Such as?
DUP: Give us your money.
Barnier: Now I understand — you are related to Bob Geldof?
DUP: That is outrageous. Robert Geldof is an Irish citizen. Are you putting the Good Friday Agreement in jeopardy?
Davis: Like you did by opposing it in 1998?
DUP: We are not here to fight the battles of the past. We are here to fight the battles of the future. We want £100bn for Northern Ireland’s vital space shuttle industry.
Barnier: But you don’t have a space shuttle industry?
DUP: Precisely! And we want £10bn for a tunnel to the Republic of Ireland.
Barnier: But you can just walk across the border?
DUP: No, no, no. We are leaving the customs union to increase trade. Which means we will need to introduce customs checks, which may reduce trade. So we will need a tunnel.
Barnier: Won’t that defeat the point?
DUP: Not at all. The tunnel will be one-way.
Barnier: Remind me, what is the population of Northern Ireland?
DUP: 1m, not counting the Catholics.
Barnier: Alors, one-tenth of Greece.
DUP: You have obviously never negotiated with the DUP. We haven’t even booked a return ticket home.
Barnier: You have obviously never negotiated with the EU. We actually live here.

https://www.ft.com/content/749233a2-5733-11e7-9fed-c19e2700005f
 


Cruimh

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[video=youtube;NO04VXBIS0M]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO04VXBIS0M[/video]

Slagging the DUP - and taking it to new heights of hysteria - seems to be the fig leaf to cover the Shinner Woes - no United Ireland by 2016, and even though the border is still there, SF have managed to get out of Government on both sides:D And harvesting the Stoops' Westminster seats (by fair means and foul) has strengthened the Unionist position in the UK .....

Of course we have been told that the benefit to Unionists of consenting to Unification would be that whereas they have NO influence in Westminster (Ha!) in a United Ireland they would be Kingmakers ..... but imagine the screams if they ever did end up inthat position in a 32 county Dáil .....
 

hollandia

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[video=youtube;NO04VXBIS0M]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO04VXBIS0M[/video]

Slagging the DUP - and taking it to new heights of hysteria - seems to be the fig leaf to cover the Shinner Woes - no United Ireland by 2016, and even though the border is still there, SF have managed to get out of Government on both sides:D And harvesting the Stoops' Westminster seats (by fair means and foul) has strengthened the Unionist position in the UK .....

Of course we have been told that the benefit to Unionists of consenting to Unification would be that whereas they have NO influence in Westminster (Ha!) in a United Ireland they would be Kingmakers ..... but imagine the screams if they ever did end up inthat position in a 32 county Dáil .....
So... what's the problem that people in the rest of the UK - who'd never heard of the DUP until a fortnight ago - have with them?

In your own time ...
 

flavirostris

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It's actually really funny to see all these British SJWs like Owen Jones getting unbelievably triggered about the DUP being in coalition with the Conservatives. They genuinely believe Theresa May is going into government with the Westboro Baptist Church.

God knows, I have no time for the DUP, who are like a Prod version of FF but from the reaction of the English leftists, you'd think Arlene Foster was going to start putting gays in camps and ending all abortion in the UK.

Foster is as far as I know pro-choice, whatever about her party colleagues.

The British commentators like Owen Jones are profoundly ignorant of the true nature of the DUP who are basically just a pragmatic Proddie FF who want a few goodies thrown their way.

It underlines how ignorant in general the British are of their supposed fellow citizens in NI.
 

hollandia

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It's actually really funny to see all these British SJWs like Owen Jones getting unbelievably triggered about the DUP being in coalition with the Conservatives. They genuinely believe Theresa May is going into government with the Westboro Baptist Church.

God knows, I have no time for the DUP, who are like a Prod version of FF but from the reaction of the English leftists, you'd think Arlene Foster was going to start putting gays in camps and ending all abortion in the UK.

Foster is as far as I know pro-choice, whatever about her party colleagues.

The British commentators like Owen Jones are profoundly ignorant of the true nature of the DUP who are basically just a pragmatic Proddie FF who want a few goodies thrown their way.

It underlines how ignorant in general the British are of their supposed fellow citizens in NI.
This post underlines how ignorant you are of northern politics. If you think the dup at no more than a relatively benign "proddy ff", you have absolutely no clue whatsoever as to the level of their malignancy.
 

Paddyc

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9,875
It's actually really funny to see all these British SJWs like Owen Jones getting unbelievably triggered about the DUP being in coalition with the Conservatives. They genuinely believe Theresa May is going into government with the Westboro Baptist Church.

God knows, I have no time for the DUP, who are like a Prod version of FF but from the reaction of the English leftists, you'd think Arlene Foster was going to start putting gays in camps and ending all abortion in the UK.

Foster is as far as I know pro-choice, whatever about her party colleagues.

The British commentators like Owen Jones are profoundly ignorant of the true nature of the DUP who are basically just a pragmatic Proddie FF who want a few goodies thrown their way.

It underlines how ignorant in general the British are of their supposed fellow citizens in NI.
The OP was quoting the Financial Times, not exactly a hot-bed of SJWs.

It shows how completely and utterly out of sync with the rest of the UK, the DUP actually are and now that the ordinary English public are getting a good look at them courtesy of the conservative media that despises May, how much damage they are doing to any residual feeling of unity they may ever have felt for NÍ.
 


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