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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? A Consulting Interventionism Analysis of Ireland


Sangreel

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Aug 16, 2011
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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? A Consulting Interventionism Analysis of Ireland and the EU:

Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the new market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken rethink its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital, and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management Framework.

Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen Consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful. For that, the chicken received a bill of 21 million euro.

This is why we have horse meat marketed as beef and why we owe for what the banks lost or over paid for.
 
Last edited:

He3

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Oct 1, 2008
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What is missing?

The solution is clear.

Consultants should be retained to examine current best practice in the retention of consultants, supply a VFM audit against identified deliverables, with an action plan for down the road.
 

FakeViking

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Joined
Jul 26, 2006
Messages
9,005
What is missing?

The solution is clear.

Consultants should be retained to examine current best practice in the retention of consultants, supply a VFM audit against identified deliverables, with an action plan for down the road.
Exactly the opposite of what's required. That's just brilliant.
 

EoinMag

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Aug 4, 2010
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Of course this is a spoof as Andersen Consulting would never refer to a chicken, it would be a Feathered Ambulatory Fowl or FAF for short.

(I do have Andersen Consulting on my CV :))
 

EoinMag

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Aug 4, 2010
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Have they been squirreling away information?
Only up to the point where they use the term FAF in a presentation and the client looks confused as to what is being referred to, then the relief when they are let in on the fact that FAF is infact what they are calling a chicken, then you as the client feel foolish and are thankful that you have Andersen there to translate their acronyms and then you realise what you are paying for and they're so worth it.....

(this part is not a joke, it is the MO, or at least was)
 

statsman

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Feb 25, 2011
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56,230
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? A Consulting Interventionism Analysis of Ireland and the EU:

Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the new market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken rethink its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital, and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management Framework.

Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen Consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful. For that, the chicken received a bill of 21 million euro.

This is why we have horse meat marketed as beef and why we owe for what the banks lost or over paid for.
This is missing a clear, concise, 2000-page report on the role of the egg. Was it anterior or posterior? Back to the drawing board.
 

EoinMag

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Aug 4, 2010
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This is missing a clear, concise, 2000-page report on the role of the egg. Was it anterior or posterior? Back to the drawing board.

Egg? You're not getting the hang of this that would be a PFAF, or a pre-Feathered ambulatory fowl.
 

statsman

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Feb 25, 2011
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56,230
Egg? You're not getting the hang of this that would be a PFAF, or a pre-Feathered ambulatory fowl.
Well, it's a PFAF, but we cannot categorically state, without fear of litigation, whether the P stands for Pre or Post until the entire anterior/posterior debate has been resolved. We need to set up a separate project team to run in parallel with the main consultation. This team will report back in Q3 of an as yet undetermined year.
 

EoinMag

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Aug 4, 2010
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4,950
Well, it's a PFAF, but we cannot categorically state, without fear of litigation, whether the P stands for Pre or Post until the entire anterior/posterior debate has been resolved. We need to set up a separate project team to run in parallel with the main consultation. This team will report back in Q3 of an as yet undetermined year.
Now you're getting it, Kerching!!!
 

an modh coinniolach

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Oct 28, 2010
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Meh, the problem started when Anderhen consulting convinced chicken management to outsource laying to battery operations outside the EU.

At first, the rest of us ordinary hens got along by borrowing from international feather corporations and selling barn space to each other but now (wait for it)... the chickens are coming home to roost.

(I'll get my coat).
 

farnaby

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May 15, 2006
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Don't forget that the report will be delivered by a truly diverse and globally experienced team of white upper-middle class MBA graduates in their mid 20s.
 

He3

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Oct 1, 2008
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Meh, the problem started when Anderhen consulting convinced chicken management to outsource laying to battery operations outside the EU.

At first, the rest of us ordinary hens got along by borrowing from international feather corporations and selling barn space to each other but now (wait for it)... the chickens are coming home to roost.

(I'll get my coat).
When they have wrung the last cent from the FAF analysis they will point to the urgent necessity for a cross-cutting study into the dynamics of a Two Cow Political Economy.

Two Cow Politics
 
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